For Those of You FEELING the Christmas Spirit

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to
make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn
Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right *^%$#@
number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that
anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to
call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two
digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a jerk!" and hung
up. I wrote his number down with the word 'jerk' next to it, and put it
in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or
had a really bad day, I'd call him up and say, "You're a jerk", hang up
before he could respond, and laugh to myself. It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my scheduled 'jerk' calling
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar
with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back
and said, "That's because you're a jerk" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in
his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first jerk (I had his
number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW jerk, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd , in Ogden . It's a yellow
rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."
I asked, "What's your name?"
He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"
I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're a flippin' jerk"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I
had a problem, I had two jerks to call.

One day, I had had an EXTREMELY frustrating day. I came up with an
idea. This was gonna be good.......

I called Jerk #1.

He said, "Hello."
I said, "You're a jerk" (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you still
there?"
I said, "Yeah,"
He screamed, "Stop calling me,"
I said, "Make me,"
He asked, "Who are you?"
I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Jerk, I live at 34 Oak Tree
Blvd, in Ogden , with a yellow rambler, and I have a black BMW parked in
front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, jerk," and hung up.

Then I called Jerk #2.

He said, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, jerk,"
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
I said, "You'll what?"
He exclaimed, "I'll kick your (well, let's not get into what all he was
going to kick),"
I answered, "Well, jerk, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on
my way to 34 Oak Tree Blvd , in Ogden , and that I was going to kill the
guy who married my ex-girlfriend.

Then I called Channel 5 News about the gang war going down in Oak Tree
Blvd. in Ogden.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Ogden . I got there just in
time to watch two Jerks beating the crap out of each other in front of
six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.