#2. I Am Thankful For My Friends

DISCLAIMER: This story has a little alcohol involved in it, so if you think you may be offended, DON'T read it


I recently got back in touch with my old friend from 1st grade, Karin, that I went to private school with in Staten Island, NY. I was so excited that we found each other (and the fact that she strangely lives 2 hours aways from me!) that I started going through my old boxes to...you guessed it...find my first Diary. Thanks to the teachings of my mom, I used to write down EVERYTHING! Well, pretty much anyway.

As I was looking for it, I came across a notebook that I used to have in college. A simple piece of paper floated out of it onto the floor, and without a second guess, I knew what it was. It was my name written in this cool artwork that my friend Rich did for me in one of our Psych. classes. He was really good at drawing and one day in class, I asked him to do my name.

He was #88 on our football team and was so sarcastic. He was almost to the point of being mean! But deep down he was really sweet. He gave me a hard time whenever he would see me in the halls. John and I were always together and if I was alone, or walking with my girlfriends; the first thing that would come out of Rich's mouth (along with some of our other friends) were "Where's your boyfriend? Did you two have a fight, or just have surgery at the hip?" Something stupid like that. But the way he said it, was always to make me laugh.

There was a good group of us that had most of our Psychology classes together and we all sat in the same order in every class. We were all pretty close. Rich used to sit behind me and pull at my hair to wake me up if the teacher was coming. Or tell me to sit up if it was his turn to sleep...in order to hide him.

This monster of a guy that was on the football team too, Jimmy was the sweetest, and their friend who had the nick name "Hot Guy" sat across from us. He was a receiver. There would be these parties at Penn State and it was called for a weekend trip if you went.Whether games were held on Friday, or Saturday, you were gone till Sunday night, sometimes Monday morning and get back in time for your first class. Rich, Hot Guy and my other girlfriends would keep telling me that I should have come with them that weekend, and show pictures of all the fun they had. I was never allowed to go because I lived at home with my crazy dad and step-mother, but when I moved out...I was opened to a world that only party gods know of.

Our local parties were just as crazy, and the last party of October (the Daylight Savings Party...one more hour of fun, and to drink) was always held at the "football house". That's where the guys that were from out of state lived. I remember sitting in the living room where Rich and a few of our other friends were going back and forth with the funniest jokes and stories you ever heard. Granted every one was pretty much buzzed or drunk, but it was hilarious nonetheless. John and I were getting ready to leave and I saw Rich walking out. I thought he was going to drive, so I told John I would be right back, and went out the door.

He was standing at the end of the sidewalk and I yelled for him to get back inside. He asked me why I was out there and I told him I didn't want him to drive. He looked at me like I was crazy and said "You should know I wouldn't do anything like that! I'd get thrown off the team if I got caught anyway and you think I want that?" I was shivering like crazy...PA's not the warmest state around, and he yelled at me for not having a coat on. He took his off and put his arm around me and walked back inside. "I was just getting some air, that's all." He looked at me and said "You know, you're the first girl here that I've picked on so much that was still nice to me." I reminded him that I was nice, but I gave attitude right back at him. He started laughing and said Yeah, then said thanks for being a "cool girl". I thought it was weird to hear him say that since he's never serious but chalked it up to the tequila shots, and said thanks. Said goodbye and John and I left.

Unfortunately, after a long weekend (and too much partying at one time, I suppose) I got Pneumonia. It was awful, my voice gone and to even open my eyes was painful. It was a Monday morning, and I desperately tried to reach the phone to call my friend Jamie and tell her I couldn't go to school. I just laid there for what felt like forever till I heard the phone ring. It was Jamie telling me that school was delayed that morning. I could barely talk and told her I couldn't get to my window to see if it had snowed. She said "No Simone, didn't you hear?" I was like "No, what?" She said "Rich, Jay (Hot Guy), Tony, and Mike went down to Penn last night for a party and ended up in the hospital..."
She didn't finish her sentence, she said she didn't want to tell me anymore, to call John or Lynn and have them tell me. I was like "WHAT Jamie!" I don't know how at that point I was yelling but I was and she told me that Rich was killed. A girl who was driving on the other side of the highway was trying to reach for her cat, and swerved onto the other side hitting them head on. Jay called our friend Rebekah and made it down to State College in 1 hour. I don't know how she didn't get pulled over but she made it. Jamie was trying to tell me who was there and what happened to the other guys but I just blanked out.

I woke up with my friend Lynn, and Jamie in my room telling me I had to go to the hospital. I refused to go, but they forced me to. They skipped school and spent the day with me in the ER and waited for with me for my medication. I had to stay at Lynn's house and she and her mom took care of me for the week. I told John not to come by. I knew he had a busy schedule but he came to visit later anyway.

While we were waiting for my doctor, Lynn had her cell phone waiting to hear from Rebekah how the other guys were doing. We were crying one moment and the next trying to joke about the funny things Rich would say if he saw us. Rebekah called and said Jay was in surgery and didn't know much yet. The other guys Tony, and Mike weren't as bad but none of them were in any condition to play ball.

The end of that week was Rich's funeral in Connecticut (I think) and I couldn't go. Lynn's mom told me I had to stay b/c of the condition I was in. I was devastated. All my friends were getting ready to leave, and I was stuck in bed. The past week was so strange, and I can't remember much of it but I remember the day of his funeral, I cried so much. I sent a letter of sorrow to his parents and gave it to Lynn. Everyone had written something to give to the family.

The following week, I was getting better and was able to go to school. I got there early, and walked into my first class to see my friend Andrea sitting in Rich's seat behind mine. Her hand was passing back and forth over his desk, her eyes red. I sat down and looked at her and she said "You know, he finally asked me to Fall Dance last week." In a moment it felt like he was still there and I said "Finally! You know how long he was talking about that?"
Her- "You know how long I've been talking about that?!"
We started laughing, with tears starting to fall. We sat there in silence and she said, "I really have you to thank for getting us together."
me- "Why? Because I called him chicken enough times?"
her- "No, because he used to like you when you first came here. The day you said he was like a brother to you, he started talking to me about you. I didn't like him at first b/c I thought he was a pain in the ass. But we became best friends, and now..."
She started crying and I just hugged her. "And at least I have you as a friend instead of hating you for going out with him." We just started laughing again. I told her I would sit up in class if she felt like laying down, and I did.

There was a school ceremony that Wed. and more sadness. That night when I got home from practice, I got a letter in the mail from Rich's mom. She said the sweetest things, I felt a little more at ease.
The next football game we hosted was pretty hard, I don't even remember our routine, or cheers we did. I don't even remember if we won! I just remember standing there.

It's been 10 years this fall that my friend has been gone. I never understand why things happen the way they do. Two years later, another close friend of mine that was battling depression killed herself on Christmas Day.
I start hating myself thinking if there was something I could have done, they would still be here!!
All these other things I get warnings about, and why not them?!!
Another friend killed when I was in 9th grade, she called a few of us out of the blue that Saturday to tell us she loved us. Like she knew!
The last thing I heard another friend tell me before he died was to "stay good", and "we'll ditch together after spring break for old time's sake". He killed himself during the break.
All these people have their friends and family so why do I feel so responsible?

I've learned hard lessons that life is short. I am grateful for my family, and friends. And why we should treat each other in the best way we can. Say what we mean, do what we say. Figure out our problems and move on.
Friendship means a lot to me, and I appreciate the people who put up with me and all my flaws, short-comings, etc. (Lord knows I have many) but I hope I have shown my appreciation one way or another.
I've said this before, and it sounds mean when I say it but I don't have time for people who are fake. People who say they're friends, and then hurt you. I would trade in all my 'acquaintances' if it meant one more day with those friends I lost.

I'm going to see a girlfriend of mine next week to do some Christmas shopping and we haven't seen each other in a year. I am so excited and going to very much enjoy the day.
I'm going to email my 1st grade friend and tell her the entry I found in my Diary of us going to her house and putting on Whitney Houston's 45 record of "the Greatest Love of All" and singing it over and over again. And tell her I can't wait to get together with her after the holidays.
I'm going to miss my friend this Thanksgiving b/c every year growing up we would save the wish bones out of the Turkey and make a wish together.
I'm going to miss the friends I think about so often and wonder what they're up to b/c I have no idea where they are; but hope they're alive and well and have the best life anyone could have handed them.

I am sad today, but hopefully, in a new light, see this Thanksgiving as a new way of being truly thankful for my friends that are here with me, and have passed through my life.
I love and miss you all.