Oh, It's What You Do To Me...

A few months ago I was drifting off to sleep around 3AM when I heard a song on the 'tele' that made me open my eyes.

It was a guy singing about missing his girl that was away at school.

He asks her what it's like where she is, comparing her to Times Square, that the distance won't matter soon...two more years and they'll be together.

He sings about understanding how much she misses him and that all she needs to do is close her eyes and he's right there.

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When I left AZ to move back home to the East Coast, I was really upset at first.

Then, the more I thought about it, the more I really didn't care about leaving. There were only a few people I was really going to miss and besides my 'Mummy' and sister, the top 2 people were my best friend Cilyn....and my 'guy'.

My first year of college in a new town, a full credit load, full work load, and a b**** for a step-mother really made me miss all my familiarities even more. The only thing I would look forward to was getting in the car and driving back to NY on the weekends. I felt like I regained my strength for the coming week on those weekends home. I felt like me again.



We wrote SO many letters to each other, it came out to like, 3 a week, sometimes 5! --(this was before email's kids).
I looked forward to his phone calls, and on (what was then) the 2 train into the city, I would take his letters and read them one by one all over again. Some would make me laugh, some would make me cry. And all of them gave me the bittersweet feeling of knowing that someone loved me and missed me as much as I did him...Then the twisting pains in my heart would kick in and knock the breath out of me.

I would run my fingers over the engraved words imagining him writing them, wishing I was there to talk to him in person rather than seeing his affection on paper.
All I wanted to do was throw my arms around him, and he was thousands of miles away.

We had a lot of songs that we would write about or tape record that reminded us of each other. When I hear those songs on the radio from time to time they take me back a lifetime.

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Lying in bed, I heard those words this boy was singing and the overwhelming feeling I got was of those times when I read his letters...sitting on my bed, on the train, walking to a store in the middle of New York in that same exact way this girl was walking.
Just walking with this distant look on her face. Thinking..."Two more years and I'll be done. He'll be here, and we'll be together. Just get through living where you are, doing what you're doing, (dealing with a jerk of a dad).... and it will be worth it, and better in the end."

It's so funny that in the moments of being in love, you think nothing will ever compare to, or feel like that again.

I turned off the TV, and started drifting to sleep when I thought about that chapter in my life. That song totally captured the long distant part of our relationship, and the care we had for one another.

I never thought I would find someone that would understand me and love me the way he did. But I did, and so much more.

And all I had to do was throw my arms around him, and fall asleep.