My lovely little blog...check it out!

Okay, I somewhat 'stole' that title (from the B.E.P.'s), but I'm writing b/c I've had a few friends call and ask why I haven't written about this or that. I truly love and appreciate all who 'stop in', and believe me, I would MUCH rather be reading what someone else wrote instead of writing mine, but I started this blog just to throw last thoughts, or first-hand experiences out there that have been wandering in my head.

It's actually a release, (although I still write in my journal) that when I'm working on the computer, which has felt like it never ends--I can just switch modes for a minute and type.

And since I'm not naming names (B.K.L.)--instead of calling; you all can comment. Kind of like what you do at a restaurant when you're not happy with the service? Because you know...I'm here to serve you! j/k

I actually love the phone calls better than the comments though. It's just getting off the phone that I have trouble with, right? :)

The Birds

Dear Mr. Construction Man & Gang,

Thank you so much for starting your big riggers, tractors, and whatever that huge machine is out there that slams our 100+ ft. trees to the ground at 6:00 IN THE MORNING.

I am so grateful for this because I have such a hard time getting up to begin with that the explosions I feel literally shaking our house was not good enough.

I am exceptionally happy that my 14 month old daughter wakes up as well...even though she was up the night before because she's teething.

I think I need to make 'dark circles under eyes' a permanent beauty trade of mine.

Oh, and I can't thank you enough for the beautiful birds that are looking for new homes and have decided to fly ALL around our property doing so.

Just when I thought I heard it all, I ALSO get to hear the immensly LOUD and vibrating pecking of a certain woodpecker that thinks the steel part of our chimney can be broken through. It's so fantastic when he does that at night too. (although I AM the stupid one that believed my husband when he told me that birds don't fly at night b/c they're sleeping with the rest of the world....yeah, I know~shut-up).

And also, is Alfred Hitchcock doing a remake of The Birds? Or are my screams of death just for your amusement when a HUGE-ASS bird flies into one our 26 windows from our living room and kitchen? Is that the animal mafia hurling these woodpeckers at me? I promise I'm not responsible! I swear "Over the Hedge" was JUST A MOVIE. Just don't torpedo any Osprey...PLEASE!!

Now where are all your cameras taping my daughter or myself trying to take a walk on our land and being scared off by Bambi and the rest of his gang? I really think they assume we're responsible for ruining their forest considering you all leave to 'hit the waves to surf' at the drop of a hat and we're the only humans around and near their "old stomping grounds".

By the way, who do I send my bill to about the dents on the roof of my car from branches falling out of the trees you're cutting down...or my flat tire from SOMETHING on our lane?

Anway, "We're gonna need you to keep the noise down till about 8AM, MMkay?THAAAANKS!..."

Sincerely,

The Endres Family

P.S. Please tell Billie-Bob that picking his nose and working that monster of a backhoe near my house is NOT an option. Please keep both hands on the controls! And music is fine...as long as it's not from the "Deliverance" soundtrack.

I Write Sins...

Dear Mr. 1997-

I'm sorry there was an instant attraction the moment we saw each other.
I'm sorry you felt the need to "ignore" me b/c you thought I wouldn't be interested in you.
I'm sorry you felt the need to call me after 'ignoring' me for 5 months.
I'm sorry that was the first of a million and one phone calls that lasted till the sun came up.
I'm sorry we had so much in common.
I'm sorry you kissed me.

I'm sorry that first kiss was like a Hollywood Moment --

Act 1 Scene 1:

Knock at door, wonder who it could be, surprised to see you--you cut me off mid-sentence, pull me to you and...WOW. (End Scene 10 minutes later). {one HELL of a kiss}

I couldn't remember anything after that, but definitely remember the song that was playing.

I'm sorry you made me weak everytime I looked at you.

I'm sorry you were so impressive.
I'm sorry you made me laugh.
I'm sorry we loved talking about music.
I'm sorry I still have every CD you made me.
I'm sorry you looked like Matthew McConoughey --hence your nick-name some girl gave you...and let's face it, he's HOT, therefore so were you.
I'm sorry you named me Gorgeous...I never thought I was.
I'm sorry you told me you loved me.
I'm sorry you felt I was your Soul-Mate.
I'm sorry I anticipated your phone calls.

*now if i wrote you a love note
I'm sorry you said you never wanted to kiss anyone else.

and made you smile at every word i wrote (what would you do)

I'm sorry you felt you needed me.

would that make you want to change your scene
I'm sorry I had so much fun with you.

and wanna be the one on my team
I'm sorry I felt safe in your arms.

see what's the point in waiting any more
I'm sorry you were such a gentleman...made me fall for you even more.

cause girl i've never been more sure - (that baby it's you)
I'm sorry every letter, thought, and wish you wrote me was absolutely amazing to read.

this ring here represents my heart
I'm sorry hearing Island in the Sun has scarred me for life...along with a few others.

and everything you've been waiting for -( just say it: i do)
I'm sorry I looked into your eyes.

I'm sorry I let you hurt me.
I'm sorry you abandoned me when I needed you the most.
I'm sorry I realized you were just another guy.
I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it.
I'm sorry you might read this letter and try to call and explain.
I'm sorry, but it's not 1997 anymore.

*from a song

Friendship

I have been missing my friends a lot lately, so this is for all of you...I'm sure I'll be adding to this list in the future

My Friendship List

Friendship is knowing you have a friend no matter how many miles apart you are.

It's knowing that you can totally be yourself--funny faces and everything and they don't care.

That you don't have to be or look perfect all the time.

That you can tell them anything and know they won't judge you.

It's knowing when they have a problem and you're there for them no matter.

And if they drop the ball once in a while...it's still okay.

It's telling them they're irritating you one day, but you still love them no matter what...and that's okay.

It's knowing you don't always have to agree, and appreciating their differences.

That our common bonds are strengthened just by listening to a song.

Having the same favorite ice-cream flavor.

Eating that whole container of ice-cream and not caring one bit.

It's taking that call when they're sad or upset and really feeling for them.

Uplifting them in their joys.

Friendship is knowing that some people were only meant to be in your lives for a certain time or certain reason; and having to say goodbye.

If for some reason you've offended them, and they come out and tell you instead of holding it in.

It's making up a dance for no reason other than recording it in your parent's basement.

It's flying 3,000 miles for their wedding and surprising them.

It's missing them when no one is around....

When that perfect one liner was told, and only they would get...

When they're the only one that knows the hell you've been through and will always stand up for you no matter what.

Sending them a CD of their favorite songs.

Leaving for a road trip in the middle of the night to NYC and having the funnest weekend ever!

And just recently...calling you out of the blue and being so thankful that they did.

For all my friends that have been there for me, I truly hope I have returned the favor.

"Isn't It On the Bumper?"

I took this picture of John's '72 C10 a little while ago, right after his first drag.

It's a little more tasteful than the ones in those magazines...sorry, no exotic girl here!

Some people said they think they saw this bad boy on "Cheech & Chong's Up In Smoke".

I laughed at that one myself, but I love this truck. It was actually one of my best friend's dad's truck and John always wanted to customize it. So when he was selling it, he sold it to John.

Now I'm getting more and more impatient, b/c I told my husband that when he was done rebuilding his, I get mine.

At least I get to drive his for now. Haven't gotten a ticket yet, and it's very easy to have that happen when you feel how powerful and fast it goes!

I'll just play "Lowrider" by Santana and maybe that'll set the pace.

Nothing Important, Really

I love music, I used to put a different type of CD on every night to fall asleep to when I was younger. Thank goodness for MP3 players, b/c my husband needs silence. He tolerates me though, I appreciate that. Lately I've been listening to a lot of Nelly Furtado's new stuff. I like her new album. And the Elva album from Unwritten Law is always a favorite. That's more of a driving in my car kind of CD though. Seein Red is a good song on a 'fall asleep' playlist.

I've made a few playlists of different kinds of songs to fall asleep to. U2 is a must in all of them. I know this is going to sound cliche, but I love Bono, and their sound is just awesome to me. And I can't forget the Cranberries...I love them too.

When I go running, I used to take my player with me, but when I go on the beach, that is so much more calming to me. When the sun is about to set, and the waves are crashing, there's something that's in tune with your inner self. It mesmerizes you...takes you away. I could stay there for hours and just feel at peace.

Things get so crazy sometimes that the little things...or some as big as the ocean go unnoticed.
I hate hardships, and in my life there have been enough, but like those crashing waves washing up to the sand creating a new beach, they make you and mould you into a new and (hopefully) more understanding, mature person.

I sometimes wonder, if I dig far enough down in the sand, if I will see some beautiful shell that's been hiding there for a while. Sometimes I do. I wonder how it got there, how hard the waves were hitting that day this shell washed up; how long it was waiting to be discovered.

For a long time, I thought I was waiting for someone to find me, to make me happy. We are always evolving and I know that; but it wasn't until I was in college that I did that for myself. I 'found' a good part of 'myself' during those years and saw that I was strong and I can make myself happy. I didn't need anyone to do that for me. They can add to it...but not do it all. My husband adds to it a lot!

I realized that when you do that for yourself with the knowledge that you deserve all that is good in the world, that anything feels so attainable! I know what I'm writing isn't rocket science, but so many people go through this world waiting for something or someone to 'save' them from the hell in their lives. I don't know how long they're willing to wait, but God didn't say "Meet Me halfway" for nothing. And I don't have that much patience.

My Birthday!

Today is my birthday...the last of my 20's. WOW! 29! I feel old! But I think it's because of all the running around I do with my kids! :)

Well, I am going to have fun today! I love birthdays actually. My mom used to make them special for us growing up, still does actually; and I want to carry that on with my kids.

It should be special anyway...it's the day you came into this world! Not saying that everyone needs to call and tell you Happy Birthday (although I really thank my family & friends who did! ;) )
But it should be special for you! Do something nice, something fun.

I like to make goals for myself to accomplish throughout the year. I really try to work hard at it and see if I can do it all.

Anyway, hope this doesn't sound arrogant but... HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ME!

Addictions

What is an addiction? Well, they say that in order to start a habit (or break one for that matter) you need to go the said 21 days. If you do (or don't do) something for 21 days, it will stick.

Okay, I understand that, and have actually tried it. And it does work! But then there's these things called relapses. I'm not on a drinking binge or something, so don't get me wrong. I'm just talking about anything. A big addiction of mine is Chocolate. There's no way I would even attempt in stopping that. But do I wish I could let it go? Sometimes, when I get on the scale. My goal is 120. Think I can do it?

That would result if I can create the habit of running every day. Which I love doing. I love feeling the sweat, the burn...feeling out of breath and knowing it was worth it. When I run really hard, it reminds me of Hell Week in Track back in H.S. I hated it, but it felt good!

And what about other addictions? That friend you wish you can stop talking to b/c they make you so mad sometimes and you wonder "What's the point?", but then your realize as much as you hate them, they're your best friend for a reason.

That blog you wish you could stop commenting on that your friend started, but it's just so damn funny, or heartwarming...or funny!

Calling your sister to ask her what the ingredients are for that awesome chocolate cake. I could write it down, and I think I did; but maybe I call her cause I feel the need to talk to someone as crazy as I am.

I'm addicted to taking pictures. I could take a million pictures in a day if my battery on my digital camera could keep up!

Dancing!!!! I could go on...Salsa, ballet, hip-hop...just plain going to a club and feeling the music. Oh! Music! I'm addicted to that too. I have a million and one songs of all kinds of music. I love it all.

Psychology, I never get tired of it! People thought I was crazy to have that as my major in college, but I LOVED it! Don't you have to be a little crazy for that major anyway? I think it's a requirement.

I'm addicted to love. (NOT the Robert Palmer song, but the real thing). I know that's why I'm a Wedding Planner. I love being in love.

And believe it or not, I think Love is a really BIG addiction. When you fall in love with someone, the process of trying to 'fall out' of it takes so long!

Like when you break up with someone for any other reason except you made a HUGE mistake and the guy is CRAZY, stalker, calls 29 times a day psycho (because it's really easy to fall out of love then), you still have some feelings for them!

And more times than not, you're going to find something that reminds you of them, be it a song, or a car they drove or whatever...and then you're back thinking "I wonder what they're doing now..."
I do that still!...to my husband! I will hear a song that we used to listen to when we were dating, and revert back to that time. If he's in the car with me I'll do the stupid wife thing and say "Do you remember this song?!" And just to humor me he'll get all mushy.
(I do love that though)

But even with past loves/experiences, we know we loved them for a reason.
They brought out the best in you, the worst, happy times, fights, trips you took together, first dances, phone calls that lasted till the sun came up, first kisses, poetry, soul-revealing letters, mixed tapes to mixed CD's with songs they that made them think of you, or you two together, proposals, marriage.

We even love the break up. Break ups go down in history! Look at Casablanca. Bogart let his ex, his one true love get away. Gone With the Wind: Rhett left Scarlett at the door...he didn't give a damn anymore.

Which I believe Rhett didn't...at the time. But I think he came back, I'd like to think he did anyway. And in between, you KNOW he thought about Scarlett. She was his kryptonite.

And my new total favorite...The Notebook. What a break up! What an ending as well...
How sad would you be if you met your soulmate and couldn't be with them? For those who haven't seen the movie...I won't say anything else. But totally worth seeing it. Even if you are a guy!

I guess whether it was good or bad...like the old saying goes "It all happened for a reason." We wouldn't be who we are today for those people/experiences and for that I'm grateful.
I don't ever want to forget any of those memories, good or bad.

So here's to addictions...and hopefully the one I will never quit: Love.